Internal Thoughts

Nope

Not pregnant…again.  We’ve been instructed to stop the supportive hormones (progesterone and estrogen), set up an appointment for a consult with Dr. Robin, and call them on the first day of my period to start all over.

So, yes, we will try again.  And, yes, we are super sad and disappointed – ( I, Lisa, am even feeling a little bit angry at my body.)

Onward.  Round 2 will being around about March 29th or so.  Tonight though, we will eat all of the gluten (aka PIZZA) and Lisa will drink some delicious beers – then we will go watch the funny ladies of Panties In a Twist do their thing on stage and laugh and laugh and laugh.  We need it!

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Anne-Marie here.  This cycle felt different for me (the one NOT carrying the baby).  To let you in to Anne-Marie land a little more – I am a serial optimist.  I do believe that thoughts shape our experiences, i.e. if I think it will happen, it is more likely to happen (what ever it is).  We’ve had a lot of nopes in this 14 month journey and this cycle was the first one that I wasn’t 100% sure about.  A lot of it had to do with the frustration we felt with the New Hope Center, some of it with the unknown now that we are dealing with the New Hope Center among other things.

Still, as soon as the phone rang today to give us the news my stomach dropped like I was heading down one of the largest drops on the tallest roller coaster at Bush Gardens.  Did that 8 double to 16?  Fuck you very much, no it didn’t.  I’m sad, and frustrated.  BUT, and that’s a BIG BUTT (see what I did there?), I’m beyond appreciative and grateful and more in love with my wife every moment that passes through this adventure.  She is working so hard, physically, emotionally, spiritually to try to carry a child for the three of us.  What she is enduring I witness first hand.  I’m not frustrated or sad that we lost this potential child, I’m frustrated and sad that my wife is working so hard and this time wasn’t a success.  I’m also thankful for this experience as it continues to strengthen our bond as a couple in ways that I could have never imagined.  I don’t need a child to appreciate this, I want a child to share this life, this love, this bond.

I’d also like to express my sincere gratitude to all of YOU that read this and share your experiences and your support with us (Lisa, Walter and me).  This village, this huge extended village, is pretty awesomesauce.

Oh, and PS the winner of the best response thus far goes to my (Anne-Marie) mother: Ok next month!!! I am going to spank that little semen he went the wrong way! Thanks mom, that was hilarious!  

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14 thoughts on “Nope”

  1. I’m so sorry it didn’t take this time. Just keep swimming. That’s all I got. A lot of trust that it will happen when it happens, but I know you know that. ❤ ❤

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  2. I am so sad for you all. I cannot fathom your deep disappointment. Your talk this morning in yoga, Anne-Marie, made me almost burst into tears. I wiped a few away. Well done and well expressed as always. Thanks for making my nose snot up for the rest of the class….but enough about me! You all deserve this opportunity; you deserve to try as many times as it takes. I know you will be great parents and I continue to be excited for you. I marvel at the science behind all this; it’s got to work! And, Lisa, it’s ok to feel some anger….those stages of grieving are real.

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  3. So sorry for the crap news. Glad you’ve got something to look forward to and that little gem from your mom. Your kid is gonna love that story some day!

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  4. I wish there were words to say to ease the sadness and anger. Selena and I also received that call from the new hope. Once we picked ourselves back up and we met with that angel dr robin our spirits and hopes were revived. Dr Robin and her staff are the best of the best. The two of you are in our prayers and in your corner during this fight. I’m not sure if you saw the group that meets at Macauthor MAlll call RObins EGgs?. It is a group of new parents to be that are under the care of dr robin.

    Keep fighting and enjoy that pizza.

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