Internal Thoughts

We made a human! 4 weeks down

Yep, Lisa here!  So, we were inseminated on April 4th (which makes the timeline weird since we DO know the exact day we were inseminated but, the medical world still goes off the first day of your last period to set your timeline) and here we are now a little over 4 weeks along with a tiny little human in my body the size of a seed!!!  Yikes!! After this year of naive expectations, meticulous planning, high hopes and disappointments – best laid plans failing – signs of life and then negative results…we did it!  We’ve decided to name it the, “Brutini” instead of the “bean” or whatever – it’s a little brute yogi, so Brutini.

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My gut reaction was one of complete elation and remarkable relief.  Anne-Marie and I screamed like little girls when we got the call.  I could not stop trembling through all of the phone calls to loved ones – I really think we were both in shock!  We were at the gym when we got the call and there just wasn’t any way either one of us could pull it together enough to do anything!  We got some lovely hugs of support from some of our Brute friends with the most special from Stella, Brute’s matriarch.

Our first Beta test (which is basically a pregnancy test using blood levels), showed my hCG at 500mIU/ml which was a definite sign that I am pregnant – any level above 25mIU/ml means a woman is pregnant – with mine being so high and with me having released two eggs, they were thinking it might be TWINS???!!!  Levels are expected to rise about 60% every other day and mine tripled to 1794mIU/ml!!  Again, could it be twins??

Friday the 24th was our first ultrasound and third BETA test (being that we had our appointment late in the day, we don’t have those BETA levels yet.)  We could see the brutini and it looks like there is just one! Anne-Marie was okay with two, but I am slightly relieved – I’m not sure my body could handle it and then there’s…well…it would be TWO of them!?

The Brutini makes its appearance!
The Brutini makes its appearance!

Now that the shock is wearing off, I am realizing that it is very difficult to allow myself to feel it or know it is there yet.  Even with all of the love being poured over us by you all, after this year of so much story, emotional demand, and just plain trusting and believing so very hard with every fiber of our being that this was going to happen only to have my period come, or my boobs to stop hurting, or to have to have major surgery…I am awaiting the next shoe to drop per say every day.  Every cramp and every bit of moisture in my lululemons – is it my period…is today the day that we will be told it is over once again? I check my boobs constantly to be sure they are still big and sore – is this the day that they won’t be?  Even after seeing the 4 week old little egg in my body, it still doesn’t feel real.  I am hopeful, just IUI shy – especially after talking with our nurse practitioner during our appointment today.

Our nurse practitioner, Kat, said today during the ultrasound appointment that after our last ultrasound post-insemination, she went to speak with Dr. Perez about us.  She told him that we had discussed that this may have to be our last try based on our finances and my emotional well feeling depleted.  She, of course, said, “please don’t give up!!”  When she spoke with Dr. Perez she said that, in his so matter-of-fact European way, he put my statistics in the computer – my age, my history with my uterus etc – and it showed only a 10% chance for me to get pregnant.  So, I guess this really is a miracle AND this just re-emphasizes to me how fragile things still are and that I really must be mindful of how I use my energy and who I spend my energy with.

And, even though it doesn’t feel real, I can definitely intellectualize that there are things I need to be doing and not doing.  So far, my only “symptoms” are the giant, painful boobies and sooooooooooo tired – like falling asleep during massage clients and driving.  It is a strange tired that I’ve never felt.  I’ve been exhausted and I’ve been sleepy, but wow…this tired is no joke!  So, I will be napping more often I guess especially since I’ve cut my caffeine intake way back.

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No nausea (yet, they say.)

Being that I am high-risk because of my age and because of the work they had to do on my uterus last fall, they’ve told me to stop exercising like I have been for the first trimester and start power walking (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!) I had to control myself when I basically said, “are you fucking kidding me?!”  Kat said, “well you can use 5# dumbbells while you do it.”   Yes, folks, I will back off, but I will not stop doing what my body knows and has been doing in one way or another for 10 years.

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The plan now is an ultrasound along with urine and blood labs every week up until the 10th and possibly until the 12th with the folks at The New Hope Center.  They prefer to keep an eye on their patients until there is a heartbeat and because we spent so much time, energy, and money on making this happen that they want to be able to walk with us as we go along until we are stable enough to graduate to an OB.  It’s also time to choose one of those….and start doing research (meaning ask all of you question after question after question…) to decide if we need a midwife and a doula since I have to have a C-section (again, the surgery made it so that my uterus can carry, but will not withstand contractions.)

As our buddy, Jason, said…4 weeks down 36 to go….

Namaste Strong!

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7 thoughts on “We made a human! 4 weeks down”

  1. awesome and Lisa please listen to the Dr’s and take it easy 🙂 no need for extra cortisol and adrenals firing so much first trimester……lets things settle 🙂 namaste xoxoxo

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  2. Call Louanne Hughes and aske her a million questions before you make any decisions. She is a great source of information.

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  3. I’m so envious that you got to see your little brutini already! Wishing you lots of joy and relaxation on this huge adventure.

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  4. My advice: because you need a c-section, I’d go with an Ob just so you can find a practice/doctor you like VS a midwife (who can’t do the actual surgery). A doula who’s experienced with c-sections might be helpful, but make sure she’d be allowed in the OR before booking that.

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